At the beginning of the month, I had the luck/privilege of watching a sphinx moth caterpillar prepare and move into the ground to pupate over the winter.
Every morning I greet the Land and Sun and for a few weeks this tiny green creature as well. Watching them much on the Desert Willow leaves, growing larger every day. I recently learned that they are a type of catapillar that will burrow underground or within leaf litter (LEAVE THE LEAVES!) to begin their journey as caterpillar in the fall, to arise transformed in the spring as a beautiful moth! A true transmutation.
Watching this tiny creature move felt special and intimate. To bear witness to them take this vulnerable trek, from camouflaged in the tree to the ground, exposed. Moving quickly to find a suitable and safe spot for this transformation.
Into the depths they went…
They moved with certainty, steadily, like they knew exactly what they had to do and where they were going. There was NO hesitation. They knew it was time.
Full of awe, I continued to watch them begin to move their body into the Earth. Slowly, they disappeared into the dirt. While I was watching them - I couldn’t help but be curious and thoughtful about humans and our disconnection and avoidance of our own depths… Why do we resist moving into stillness, to transform into another version of ourselves?
We, in this fast-paced, share-everything-we-do, way of living have a really hard time going dark, doing less, slowing down. We know there are MANY reasons why we may do this: capitalism says were only as good as how “productive” we are or maybe our parents never got to rest and in turn, we don’t either, or we believe we have to “earn” our rest or slowness. I could go on and on.
In recognizing this in myself, It seems that we’ve gotten so conditioned in believing we must always be able to do everything at the same speed. To “rest later” and then are absolutely exhausted by the time we hit the pillow at night. We believe that no matter what the season is, how our capacities or abilities change (because they will), we should always be moving at the same speed…. bound by the need to keep up.
Why do so many of us fear this slowing down?
Why do we ignore the desire we feel in our bones to go into the depths, to rest there a little while, while we shift, change and renew.
Why do we struggle to meet our shifting needs/wants/capacities/energy? We are going to change and shift throughout the seasons and our lives, regardless of if we resist it or not… might as well give ourselves a little space to do so.
So as the days get shorter and the nights grow longer, maybe we allow ourselves to move a little slower and maybe allowing ourselves some time to go into our depths. What if within those spaces, we can utilize that darkens and stillness to evolve, transmute and transform just as the Sphinx moth does.
What if we went into it with the same confidence as the caterpillar? Knowing it will be a vulnerable path but deciding to venture into it, without hesitation. Knowing where you need to go, what you need to do for this next era of your life.
This absence of hesitation from this tiny being really made me think about how much we hesitate, especially with the steps that are necessary for us to change. Maybe because it will be difficult, or it’s unknown and uncomfortable, and maybe we’re afraid of it too… but what is on the other side of that choice, what is waiting for us there?
What about that stillness and vulnerability is difficult for us? What if we did it anyway? What if decide to be unflinching, steady and sure of our choices - brave. Because what if on the other side of this, you get your wings? Granted a different vantage point on life.
So, I call forward for all of you reading this, for us, the trust in ourselves to get comfortable with the stillness, the depths of ourselves and slowing down. To embrace this darkness as a way to ground ourselves in a new version of us. Embodying more authenticity and sovereignty, with a new point of view.
So that we can all bring our fullest selves forward with fierceness and hope for a better future for all living beings. So that we can continue to shine, to hope, to change, to challenge what needs to change, to fight for what is right! To be steady and grounded as we continue forward in resisting, speaking up, and continuing to fight against oppressive systems.
May we always find moments to stop and witness the beauty in the smaller and quieter things that happen around us every day. May we always use our voices and abilities for the greater good and to continue to remember that rest is resistance too.
Ometeotl -